Inner Beauty
No matter how we process, whether verbally or internally... A time of reflecting and admitting how you really feel is never unproductive. That process will always value yourself and help to decipher what you need to deal with and what you need to let go of so you can move on!
DEALING WITH THE ROOT-In my past I had people in my life, who were disconnected from one another, tell me I dressed inappropriately. That liking fashion was wrong. Due to their assumptions they concluded I must be a shopaholic. They confessed to me and others that how I dressed was indecent & seductive. I was devastated by their words and accusations. It was hard to experience because these people did not know one another and it happened throughout different phases in my life. Because of their similar confrontations, I questioned if I really was that blind and they were doing me a favour giving me this insight. I let their words sink deep in my heart and believed they could be right. Even though I knew they were wrong! I floundered, for YEARS.
My mistrust in myself and belief/trust in their words gave them all the power and exposed my powerlessness. I was hostage to their opinions of me. Looking at the pain those accusations caused me began my journey of embracing the real me. ALL of me. Sure I wasn’t a total fake. But I did desperately surrender myself to peoples approval and sadly it was only in their approval were I found rest. I needed to be released from this stronghold that robbed my beauty, my authentic self. In my business of people-pleasing I had no time to express myself. I was consumed with what I thought others wanted me to be. I allowed peoples opinions to rule. In the whirlwind of trying to maintain happiness I was always saying yes to people exhausting myself. For years I lived this way being a friend-to-all, except myself. So, I bravely began the process to restore my inner beauty. Lost a lot of friends, but found myself.
Through dealing to heal from the pain of their words, I am now aware when I am floundering, unsettled or in disarray. This is key for me to know it’s time to stop and pay attention to what's busying my brain and shortening my breath. It’s usually because the situation is exposing a lie I already believe about myself. Or I have triggered something in them that I am unnecessarily owning and I just need to let that go, separate myself and let them have their process. I don’t need to be the brunt of it.
When I am believing a lie about myself. I am not operating in self-love. I now see that the lies bring anxious emotions... that are now shorter lived because I am actually saying NO to them inside my head and regardless how bad I feel, I am speaking the opposite. Does it sound facetious to speak the opposite? It did to me...but it works!! It stops my pity parties and victim mentality and brings me back to understanding my truth. It also keeps me from assuming why the other person/party said that. My assuming to conclude “why” they said or did what they did, is unproductive, controlling and gives false comfort and ease to my pain. I know now I will only gain understanding if I ask them. Having learned these tools to value and manage my heart keeps me humble because in order to return to self-love I need to face and forgive the lie I am believing, or the judgement I am thinking. When I do this, love is restored, my internal disturbances leave and my heart is back to a restful state.